The Four Noble Truths, cont'd

Well, let's see if I were going to select 4 critical values to live by (this doesn' mean that I am able to live by them but ideally speaking) I would pick the following - at least today, tomorrow may be different:

1) "Me First"

I borrowed this term from my friend, Betty Healey, who is currently writing a book named, "Me First - If I should wake before I die" (see Betty and her husband's Jim website: wwwroadsigns.ca.com ) At first glance it sounds selfish and self-indulgent to the extreme. However what it really means to me is the old "to thine own self be true" - knowing that when I do what's best for me it's usually best for everyone else, too. No one else can take care of me, or know me or my thoughts and desires unless I am able to communicate them. In order to express them I first have to know what they are.... When you really know yourself, you can be yourself, a totally unique person who has their individual gifts and talents to give to the world. Also it reminds me of what we are told each time we fly in airplane, you know when they review the safety rules that we all ignore because we've heard them so many times before - in the case of emergency please put on your oxygen mask before strapping one on to anyone else. So again, me first - if we take care of our needs first we are in a much better position to help someone else. Having experienced burnout when I was a child therapist for many years - I know of which I speak! If I was run down, sick, tired or stressed I certainly wasn't very effective with my clients and couldn't really "be there" for them. Me first also means that it's our job to figure out what we need, how to live and experience meaning in our life - rather than waiting upon someone else to define us and instruct us - however, sometimes it's easier to be a follower rather than a leader.

2) Moderation in all things

This is definitely an ideal that I strive for - having an addictive personality - I have a challenge doing anything in moderation - when I quit drinking soda about 3 1/2 months ago I started having to drink iced coffee every day! I've always felt that if something tasted good or felt good it would feel even better to have or do more! NOT..... I remember seeing a clip on TV once about the French woman's diet - it went something like this - they eat croissants for breakfast, rolls and cheese for lunch and always have wine to drink with dinner - and they walk everywhere, and only have 1 of those yummy items for each meal - well maybe not just one glass of wine.... But you get the picture - they don't deny themselves anything and they just have a small amount. Oui it should be so easy.

3) Choose from love not fear

Gerald Jampolsky once wrote that there are really only 2 emotions - love and fear. It's either based upon love or everything else eventually stems from fear. Anger, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed, etc. all originally stem from a fear - ie: fear of loss, status, money, property, relationships, job, etc. So if I choose from love I will be guided to all actions that will hopefully serve mine and other's highest goods. So a mantra could be "what would love have me do?" Or I love the ending salutation that 2 of my friends always include in their emails - "love your way" and "may love have its way with you"

4) Live Big!

Growing up in the puritanical work ethic ethos of the 1950's it's a challenge for me to chuck responsibility for pleasure and it's only been lately that I've been exploring the possibility of combining pleasure with responsibility. As Marianne Williamson reminds us, "we are not so afraid of living small as we are of living big and really shining the brightest light we can". Living big means taking risks, trusting, following your dreams, and imagining the impossible. I'm trying it out on this adventure, who knows where it will lead me, or how BIG it will get!