The best key lime pie

Having a cold/flu, day 2.... Aside from spending most of the day in bed, watching cheesy movies (ie: "My Cousin Vinny", "Video Voyeurism - The Susan Wilson story")and TV shows - even cartoons have some entertainment value - I had 2 memorable experiences of the day. One was the chance again to go to "Michelle's Livingroom cyber cafe" where the coffee is strong, the chairs/couches comfortable and the internet is free. Set up like a living room it is casual, comfortable and inviting -complete with restrooms, TV screen (where I saw latest news about Hurricane Gustav and McCain's pick in running mate) and water fountain. I am grateful that I found this place - thanks to the owner of the motel I am staying at, Adobe Wall Motel (the prices are reasonable but the amenities aren't modern...).

When I came to Taos last March with a group of folks we stopped at "Graham's Grille", a restaurant on the plaza and although the lunch was good the most memorable/delectable aspect was the dessert we ordered and shared amongst the five of us - key lime pie(they only had one piece left). Not just some ordinary key lime pie it was the best I had ever tasted: replete with fresh whipped cream on top, a twisted slice of fresh lime, sprinkled with chopped pistachios and finished off with a lime tequila sauce with whole pistachios. I hungered for more and the rest of the visit was peppered with allusions to the incredible pie we had tasted and used as a comparison to all of life's other hedonistic pursuits (if it isn't as good as the key lime pie then it isn't worth doing!). So you guessed it - yesterday afternoon I walked to Graham's Grille and ordered my key lime pie as takeout and returned with it to my motel room - so no one would see me licking the inside of the carton to finish off the lime tequila sauce and whipped cream. Creamy lime citrus, fluffy whipped cream, velvety tequila sauce - I do wax poetic.

Unlike many repeat experiences it was better than the first time - mostly because I had the whole piece to myself and didn't have to share it with anyone! Luckily the pie cost $8.53/pp so I don't think I'll be tempted to order anymore while I am here... However, if I don't feel alot better soon this may be the perfect rationalization to order another piece on my way out of town.

Immune to her charms

Taos is arguably one of the prettiest and most interesting cities I've visited; however I'm currently immune to her many charms... Beginning on Wednesday pm I noticed those dreaded signs of a flu/cold coming on and by yesterday they were present in full force. Body chills, headache, sinus pain congestion, dripping nose, etc. - I've only mananged to knit and watch old movies on TV since my arrival even though the local newspaper, "The Taos News" details many fun and entertaining activities - especially over the upcoming labor day weekend... An arts and craft fair in Kit Carson park, live music, a plethora of art museums, and of course lots of retail artisan shops. Taos is known for being a mecca for artists, writers and musicians as well as holistic and spiritual practitioners. Taos is equally know for its signature adobe style buidlings with turquoise trim - every building in the immediate downtown area is required to be built in this historical style (modeled after the famous Taos Pueblo) - even all the fast food chains, Walmart and Home Depot.

I'm treating myself with lots of "emergency C", theraflu, tylenol and nyquil - and of course Reiki and lots of fluids. I'm frustrated with my low energy level and I've had to work to practice radical self care and not try to push myself to enjoy the city. I'm hoping that I will feel much better by Sunday as I have scheduled an interview with Jan Stringer and her husband, Alan Hickman of Perfect Customers(see Jan's book by that name) in Santa Fe. Jan and Alan created the SACAT (strategic attraction certification and training)program of life coaching that I have participated in since June of '07 as well as the Master SACAT program, "Dreamweavers"
which started in November '07 and was the key impetus for me to travel cross country and interview everyone in the program about their respective creative projects.

Jan and Alan are also, my last two "official" interviews although I have already made plans to interview Karen Drucker, singer and songwriter in October at a women's empowerment retreat in Lake Tahoe, Nevada.

Sleeping or not

I am reminded of Maslow's heirachy of needs - the first one being food and shelter - on the road this would be translated to the great and constant search for clean and comfortable beds and the healing effect of 8 hrs of adequate sleep. The quality of my day time experiences is inextricably linked to the type of REM received on the previous night. So far I haven't camped at all (much to my surprise) and only used my trusty LLBean blow up mattress at my daugher, Jenn's, in Durango. Hotels and motels differ vastly in the quality of their beds and room air - I swear that even if they say the room is a non-smoking one you can still smell the remnants and of course all the perfumes/after shave colognes that have drifted into the room before I got there. Before departing I had purchased a book on traveling cross country on a budget and it listed all the hostels, campgrounds and cheap hotels. I hadn't even checked out a hostel until I got to Taos yesterday afternoon and this one is the Snowmansion in Arroyo Seco, about 10 mins north of Taos. I located it, explored it and knew that I just couldn't stay there - it was too pre-Salvation army furniture, dark, and had old (but still present)kitchen smells from decades of use by nomadic ski bums and other more adventurous travelers. My fantasy before I left was that I would connect/meet with fellow travelers at hostels and save money in the process. I even peeked in their tepees - segregated by gender - with four cots in each and as romantic as it sounds they didn't have windows except for the door flaps - which could let in other undesirable beings - I've been told about the black widow spiders and rattlesnakes in the Southwest - and I'm not that brave! Back to town in search of a cheap hotel - I learned quickly to ask to check out the room first - for cleanliness, smells, amenities, and general energy feel. After about 2 hours of searching I did find one that had a reasonable weekly rate and sacrificed some convenience by it not having air conditioning (luckily it cools down at night in Taos), wifi, continental breakfasts, or even a hair dryer or coffeemaker(the Visitor's center did say that it wasn't modern!).

Then there is the camping option. I did purchase the necessary prerequisite basics (tent, tarp, sleeping bag, aforementioned mattress)before leaving NE but haven't yet
used them - except for my trial camping experience in Vermont on a family reunion over memorial day - and that doesn't count. My first excuse is that it's been too bloody hot over the summer to even imagine camping - especially since the areas I visited (with the exception of the lovely Great Smokey Mtns)have been devoid of the tall leafy, shady trees that I'm used to in the White Mtns of New Hampshire. To be fair I have looked at a few campgrounds and RV parks and the sight of treeless, gravel sights have not been tempting. I am determined to try one out in Taos though even if only to be able to say that I did...

My "roughing it" quotient is lower than I imagined and as a result the trip is considerably more expensive than planned - especially when I haven't had the good fortune of being able to stay with folks on the road. However; my sleep is extremely important to me and I've justified the additional sums on maintaining my mental health on this trip - given that I've already given up my home, dog, family and friends for the duration...

Legends of the Fall, IV

And so for the first few days after the fall I was very sore, had a beauteous black and blue eye - the bump on my forehead had drained into my left eye - and it hurt when I rolled over in bed (I guess a bruised rib) and bruises up and down my left side from knee cap to shoulder. Still I didn't think much of it until I got to Jackson, WY, and noticed that I was still having headaches and was very tired. Even though I still didn't think I had a concussion my daughter, Erin, encouraged me to get it checked out while I was in town at her doctor's walk-in care clinic.... Long story short the FNP recommended I get a CT scan at the local hospital and when I did later that afternoon they discovered that I did have a small bleed on my brain - akin to a a black and blue on the brain tissue. The ER doc was fairly nonchalant about it and did say that it would most likely reabsorb into the tissue; however, he did recommend a repeat CT scan in 2 - 3 weeks with a consult with a neurosurgeon. All because of my addiction to coffee! Whew - I guess I have a propensity (up until now)to not get the message on the whisper but on the hammer. Yet another lesson on listening to my intuition and following angelic guidance. I've cut a deal now - only one medium iced coffee/day and no more - not even decaf...

Of course the other consequence is dealing with an out-of-network referral with my insurance company and primary care doctor for another CT scan - probably somewhere in Santa Fe or Alburquerque, New Mexico. I am tempted to not follow thru - as my headaches have lessened and my energy level is returning; however my intuition tells me to practice radical self care and take the necessary, if inconvenient, steps to follow through on the recommendation. All part of the bargain...

Durango, CO

Durango is the closest to the "four corners" (intersection of four states: Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona and Utah)that I've been to so far - it's in a valley of the San Juan Mtns about 6 hours south of Denver and only 20 minutes from the border of New Mexico. The famous Silverton 10 gauge train lives here and takes tourists to Silverton and Ouray daily on a 3 hour trip. Durango has an historic downtown, one that reminds me of the old "West" and the beautiful Animas river meanders around and thru its city limits. Alot of folks float on the Animas; in fact that's what my daughter, Jenn, was doing on the afternoon I drove into town. Cowboy boots and hats abound along with belts studded with silver buckles and gems.... Durango is somewhat of a college town with Ft. Lewis College and Pueblo Community College in its midst. Yesterday we drove to Farmington, NM, for a prebirthday shopping trip - the closest "mall" 45 minutes away. It's sunny here 300 days a year; last nights rain was a rarity and it really helped lower the temperature...

Yuppieville

Just to keep you guessing I'm going to throw in a blog about Boulder, CO and get back to "Legends of the Fall" another day. Boulder has consistently been voted one of the most "liveable" cities in America by favorite magazines, journals and travel guides. What makes it so enticing is the affluent lifestyle afforded by many of its residents, its' proximity to the Rocky Mtns, and its liberal and progressive politics. All of which I noticed and admired to some degree. I had read in their chamber of commerce site that 80% of the population in Boulder is between 25 - 40 years old. So when my friend Penelope and I went walking in the pedestrian mall on Pearl Street (after eating lunch at the awesome and huge Whole Foods Market)we noticed many individuals who seem to fit this description. Every restaurant and retail store was promoting "green" policies, there were posters for yoga classes on each corner, everyone seemed fashionably dressed in chic post hippie style(well, except for the one apparent homeless man lying on a bench - then again he could have be an itinerant street musician)and many were enjoying the views from the sidewalk cafes and park benches - next to artistically created rock water sculptures. I know I'm sounding a bit sarcastic and I don't mean to be really - although - as my friend, Penelope, pointed out - one of her impressions of Boulder is that "everyone is competing to be the most enlightened". I can't say that I would go that far; however, there was a sameness to what we saw and although on any ordinary day I love sidewalk cafes, organic food co-ops, bookstores, intelligent conversations about liberalism in politics and life - there was something a bit unnerving about having it all in one place and so much of it at one time. I guess it reminded me about the adage "too much of a good thing". Is this making any sense? My reaction still baffles me - maybe it's due to spending the previous day in the deserted plains of Wyoming, I don't know, I'll have to sleep on it and ponder it more on way to southwestern Colorado tomorrow enroute to visit my daughter, Jenn, in Durango.

Legend of the Fall, part III

Oh how insidious addictive behaviors can be... No sooner did I give up drinking diet coke than my mind/body began searching for a "legal" alternative - something I later learned was a way to feed the "caffeine" habit. It started very slowly, I didn't really noticed it until I began my road trip; however, it dawned on me that I was drinking more coffee than usual - and regular coffee, at that. A long time ago I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee and switched to only decaf and usually only 1 or 2 cups in the am only. Since it was summer I noticed that I was drinking iced coffee (many restaurants/suppliers don't offer decaf iced coffee). Things really started humming after I got a Starbucks card - ostensibly to register it online so I could have free wifi access on my trip. Of course that means you need to load some money on the card and then that means you need to order something. Trying to stay away from the sweet stuff I began ordering grande iced Americano's. Then something really tricky happened - I discovered, with a gift card, you could get refills for free. Did I say F R E E? Of course that one always grabs me, that seductive "free" word - especially at ayce buffets and Americano refills. So now it was up to 2 caffeinated large beverages a day - more than what I was doing with the diet coke - just like the diet - once I "fall off the wagon" I rebound by eating more desserts than ever.

And so that brings me to St. Cecilia's Cathedral in Omaha, NE. My friend Anda and I meditated there for 45 minutes one day during my visit and during that time I asked for some help with my increased consumption of coffee and anything with caffeine it in it, period. Nothing noticeable happened for 3 days - no changes in daily intake, craving, etc. Until Saturday, August 9th. On this day I was staying with Betsy in Chicago; she was out for the morning and I was exhausted from the previous days' sightseeing and evening revelry and clearly decided to stay in her condo for the duration of her plans - into mid afternoon when we had her interview scheduled. I did fine until about noon and then the craving started. Despite my inner guidance, the drizzingly rain, the unfamiliar neighborhood(which was all black residents - as I've mentioned in an earlier blog)I reluctantly but with determination researched the nearest Starbucks and set off for my fix. About 3/4 of the way there I tripped on an uneven cement pavement and without warning fell onto the sidewalk hitting key areas on my left side - most noticeably my left forehead, shoulder, chest, wrist and knee. Stunned I looked down at my hands and realized that I hadn't even braced myself for the fall - it was that sudden. Although a gentleman offered to help me get up I was in too much pain from the fall to get up that quickly. I soon realized; however, that he was probably going to stand there until I did get up so I slowly made my way to a vertical position and began rubbing my head, giving myself some Reiki, I set off undeterred to my destination and beverage of choice. I did smarten up though and called Betsy requesting that she pick me up at the coffee shop on her way back into town rather than risk walking back. Afterwards sittting at her kitchen table with an ice pack I pondered the meaning of the accident (usually there are no accidents... or coincidences). And then it all became clear - yet another message - this one a smack to the head! Luckly I didn't lose consciousness, feel dizzy or nauseaous. I knew enough to check for signs of a concussion and even though Betsy offered to take me to the ER to be checked I really didn't feel I needed to be, at that point.
to be continued....

Legends of the Fall, part II

Being an astute reader you probably already realized that the computer was in deep trouble and as expectant as I was of reading my emails the following morning - such was not the case - instead I heard a distinct alarm sound when I turned on the computer - egad, I had never heard that before! And so off to the computer store; I sheepishly told the technician the truth about what had happened(just the spill - not the angel part) and he casually (I swear to God)asked me if I had spilled diet coke or regular coke on it? You're kidding you mean there's a difference? Yes, he calmly stated - you see regular coke has sugar in it and that is much more corrosive to the mother board. Oh what a metaphor for life! They took my computer for an evaluation - only to discover a week later that the mother board was fried but at least the hard drive was safe and the information could be retrieved onto a disk. And so an $800.00 lesson in not listening to my inner messages and letting my ego do it her way.

Fuming at Archangel Michael I reported the events at my next class - and asked Eddita - what was up with this dude? That was really harsh! She smiled and said, don't you know who he is? He is a powerful protector and is called upon for strength, determination and discipline. There are consequences, she added, to not following advice - especially in cases where you have specifically asked for clear guidance. You better believe that later that week (on the town library's computer)I did my research and read more about Archangel Michael - and even read a book that a friend had gifted me about him about a year earlier. The ending of this section of the story is that I haven't had a diet (or regular) coke or soda of any kind for the past 3 months. And I haven't meditated regularly since then either....
to be continued....

Legends of the Fall

Avoid reading this post if you are not metaphysically minded, have a hard time keeping an open mind about angel communications, the belief in synchronicity, and the power of intuition. Because it will include all of these ingredients, and then some... I haven't blogged about these occurrences - because, well, you never know who's reading and what they might think. But if you've been following along so far I guess you've earned the privilege (I don't know if that's the right word)of hearing some personal stuff as well as getting a peek at some of my spiritual leanings.

Last winter I took an 11 week class in psychic development and as our classes progressed and became longer each week the teacher, Eddita, began assigning us individualized "homework" during sessions to keep us focused on expanding our abilities. One week in mid-April mine was to focus on communicating with the angelic realm. I told Eddita that I didn't really know what she meant - my only "experience" with angels was hearing the nuns and priests talk about them during Mass and catechism class. And so I asked her if she had someone particular in mind? As soon as I asked the question, I heard (silently)the name, Archangel Michael. Of course she responded with, "Archangel Michael". Well, that was interesting....

The first four days afterward I was frankly too intimidated to meditate and try to "communicate" with Archangel Michael. I didn't rememer too much about him except that he was a powerful angel and I thought he had something vaguely to do with stamping his foot on devils. I resisted the urge to "google" him at this point - not wanting to prejudice myself for or against the conversation. Finally as Thursday (our class day) was approaching I decided that I needed to at least have something to report - even if it was a failed effort at initiating a contact. At the end of day one of the meditation I "heard" (not my voice exactly, mostly a thought in my mind)that it would be helpful for me to meditate for an hour each morning. Day two -included the suggestion to do it before eating or drinking anything (even coffee!) Taking the dog outside and feeding her was okay, though. Day three I was instructed to sit with my back up straight and to entertain the thought of reducing my intake of red meat and sugar. (not bad advice, I thought) Day four was the whopper - give up drinking diet coke! Now, I have been drinking diet coke for a long time, longer than I smoked cigarettes(and that was 19 yrs before I quit) that's for sure - and I had just graduated from only allowing myself to buy them at convenience stores or when out to eat to purchasing a 12 pack - 6 of which were left in the fridge.

I'm sure by now you can guess what I was thinking. Well, I'll give up the diet coke aftter I finish the remaining ones. So later that day I was sitting at my lap top with a diet coke by its side and I truely don't know how it happened (despite warnings I usually have a drink next to my lap top)but the diet coke spilled slightly onto my key board. I didn't think it was an occasion for dire concern but I did wipe the small amount up and used the air can they have for dust removal to erase any unseen dampness. Then I turned off the computer and then turned it on again. It was acting funny, like weird - not humorous. It would get me to the internet page and then switch to another page without me striking any key. And so I decided to turn it completely off and wait until the following morning, as yet still hopeful of a full recovery.
to be continued....

The Loneliest Road

Yesterday I drove from 8:30 am to 6 pm thru from Jackson, WY to Longmont, Colorado (45 mins north of Denver) - a long and lonely ride. There's nothing much to see after you drive away from the Grand Tetons and the Teton National Forest in Dubois. I kept getting excited everytime I saw a town/city on the map, ie: Lander, Jeffrey City, Rawlins, - thinking that it could mean a change in scenery - but no it only meant small areas of retail shops, a gas station and a convenience store - in some areas only the latter two. The hills and fields were brown, rocky and barren. I had just spent 4 days with my daughter, Erin, and really enjoyed her company - I hadn't seen her since a weekend visit in Colorado in March and am not sure when I will see her again. So it was with this sadness and heavy heart that I was on the road again - the view offering little respite from my melancholy. I haven't really felt lonely before - even though I have spent alot of time alone traveling - I guess you don't miss what you don't have until suddenly you have it again.... I was sure to keep my gas tank at least 1/2 full as there were no signs telling how long it might be before you saw another sentient being. I was reminded of the thoughtfulness of the Kanc Hwy in Conway, NH - that warns you that it's 32 miles before you reach a gas station in Lincoln. Well it was much longer than that between fuel stops - I'd say 50 - 70 miles - and no warning signs!

Adding to my somewhat gloomy mood was the fact that the evening before I had read Cormac McCarthy's book, "The Road" - a depressing, post apocalyptic tale that was violent and grueling. Erin had finished reading it for her book club so - given that it had won a pulitzer prize (it had to be good, right?) I decided to stay up late inhaling it. Well - I won't go into details, to spare you the visuals - let's just say it's a survivor story - where the people who are left on earth do whatever they need to feed themselves and stay safe. There is no animal, vegetable/plant life left and days are consistently cold, grey and rainy - survivors walk with their faces covered with cloth to avoid constantly inhaling ash from the burnt landscape. Now that sounds cheery!

On a brighter note I did see 2 pairs of cowboys galloping across fields on their horses and smiled remembering that Wyoming is the "cowboy" state. I also concluded that anyone who lives in Wyoming must be made of "true grit" to withstand the isolation, severity of the landscape and the harsh winters. Jackson, however, was a true oasis in this high desert - beautiful, wondrous and green.

I noticeably relaxed when I crossed into Colorado - one because I saw trees (shorter than ones I'm used to but trees at least)and signs of alot of civilization. Billboards, cars and soon traffic congestion as I neared Fort Collins and even more so as I inched my way to Longmont. It was reassuring to have that many cars on the
each side of me - strangers none the less - at least one can depend upon the kindness of strangers, if needed....

Bison, Antelope, Elk, Oh My!

At 6 am this morning we rendezvous'd with the Teton Science Ctr. Wildlike Expeditions van in Elk Park, Jackson for a four hour tour of wildlife in the Grand Teton national Park. Paul, our guide, was extremely knowledgeable, friendly and accomodating - usually the tour costs $125 pp but because Erin is on staff at the Teton Science School we got to go for free! Loaded up with coffee, sweatshirt (burr - 40 degrees)and camera we went in search of the area's earliest morning risers - especially in the summer when it gets hot during the day. Our first stop was a cow moose right alonside of the road - a woman in the car in front of us was crazy enough to walk right up to the fence of the elk refuge as if to pet the moose! Our guide was shocked and appalled - he had never seen anyone do something so stupid... Altho there was a fence the moose could have easily plowed thru it and her - if she had been so inclined. Luckily didn't see any blood and gore - much too early in the day for that (or ever!). About two miles later we saw a bull moose with a huge rack of antlers munching on sage brush near the Snake River. Paul set up fancy telephoto lens and even took a few pictures of the moose with my camera. I'll have to learn how to upload them on my computer.

We then took a dirt back country road thru the National Park to the river bed and this is when we really hit "pay dirt" and saw a bald eagle nesting,many elk, pronghorn antelope, sage grouse and more birds I can't remember the name of.... Our guide expertly shared their mating rituals, daily habits and gender differences. Did you know that antelope are the 2nd fastest runners in the mammal species (1st place are cheetahs) - and actually for long distances they are #1 - cheetahs are only really quick for sprint distances.

Later in the morning we spent time with a herd of bison (think buffalo), saw many calves nursing, mating pairs and heard the aggressive noises of the males chasing off other competitors to their chosen breeding mate. Also saw the infamous cloud of dust rising before we got to the herd and found out this was the result of these huge beasts rubbing themselves in the dusty dirt to keep insects away.

The trip was delightful; it felt as though I was on a Wyoming safari - complete with ceiling roofs that popped up in the van to accomdoate better oogling with binoculars and picture taking....

Finished the morning off with a delightful breakfast at the Bunnery restaurant and bakery in downtown Jackson - I didn't feel the least bit guilty for that warm homemade pumpkin apple muffin and southwestern scrambled eggs after watching the game animals chomp on dry sage brush and grasses. In fact the whole adventure made us both starving!

Jackson, WY - the land of extreme sports enthusiasts

Everywhere you go in Jackson Hole, WY, you see scenery and landscapes worthy of extreme sports enthusiasts. I'm betting that Jackson has more of them per capita than most any other place! Whether back country skiing, paragliding, whitewater rafting and kayaking, mountain and ice climbing, downhill mountain biking -mere hiking and running seem tame for this city. If you're not an outdoor affeciandos before you arrive you'll have to at least try floating on the Snake river or Fish Creek on an inner tube and a six pack of coronas hanging from the side! I belong to the tame crowd so for me I'll take the floating, a trip through Yellowstone National Park and a sunrise wildlife viewing expedition. Folks here are tanned, buff and rugged - a combination seen most anywhere you go whether at the Teton National Park or local bar. Not to say that I'm a little overwhelmed and overclassed in the mountain woman category. Luckily I have a local guide, my daughter, Erin, who works as the Co Head Teacher at the Journey School at the Teton Science Center to navigate me through some of my options and keep me safe.

Today we went to the downtown Art Fair and I bought myself my first cowboy hat. Thought that since I am going to be hanging out in the West for awhile I really needed to fit in.... Then we did an extreme salon experience at the upscale Four Seasons Resort in Teton Village for four hours of hot tub, steam bath, cold water plunge bath, and peppermint pedicures accompanied by ginger root tea and peanut butter and cranberry protein bars. Somehow we survived all that relaxation to come back to Erin's home for a dinner of her homemade chicken enchiladas with green sals and spanish rice. Tomorrow is a more plebian day of bill paying, oil change and repacking but now I feel refreshed enough to tackle all of it!

Bison tours, rodeos, and sand hills

As I drove thru the western part of Nebraska the scenery shifted from the familiar flat prairies to the somewhat odd looking promontories of dirt and sand. I later learned they are called sand hills - because they have a shallow covering of dirt, grass and rocks but their underbellies are all sand - the wind has eroded all but the top layer so from the side you can see the different shaped hills - quite interesting - especially after almost 300 miles of fields. Soon after entering Wyoming the landscape changed again - rolling hills, signs for bison tours and rodeos began sprouting up on highway 25. I also saw an ad for Curt Gowdy State Park just north of Cheyenne. Now this was a blast from the past - I remember him as a sports announcer for the Boston Red Sox during my childhood. I'll admit I had to "google" his name to find out the connection between him and WY and found out that he was a native and they named the park in his honor. For those of who you are Gowdy fans he died at age 86 on Feb 6, 2006....

Driving along I felt like I was in "Marlboro Man" country - the land of the rugged individualists. I read in some tourist brochure that there are more elk than people in the state and from what I saw of the miles between houses I can believe that! I have been certain to keep my gas tank at at least 1/2 full as I drive through this isolated part of the world. Last night I stayed in Casper - I bet you didn't know that this was the epicenter of the journey west for all those covered wagons - whether they were traveling the Oregon, California, Pony Express or Mormon trails - they all passed thru Casper. This is also truely horseback riding country, where you could ride for miles and miles without encountering civilization. I can't remember if it was Montana or Wyoming where the film, "The Horse Whisperer" was filmed but it sure is "purdy"...

One in Many

One the things I really enjoyed about Chicago (now back in Omaha, again since Tuesday night) was the diversity of the people who live in the city area. One of the things that was challenging for me was the almost all black neighborhood that my friend, Betsy's, condo was in. I took a walk one day in the "hood" and discovered how uncomfortable it was for me to be the only white face for the length of the walk - until I got to a Starbucks, that is.... Images of TV movies, crime sitcoms, documentaries, etc. flooded my brain as I walked - especially as I passed groups of young black men. I have never had a negative experience with a black person, hispanic, or any other nationality, really (except for a few rude Frenchmen in Paris); however, it was amazing to me that I was at times feeling fearful, anxious and definitely uncomfortable. I realized the media and Hollywood have played a big part in my brain replaying images in my head - as it was obvious that I wasn't in any danger - it was all imaginary. This is especially disconcerting because I have always considered myself very liberal and definitely not racist. And the feelings were there unbidden - rather embarassingly so. And so it raises the question of the responsibility that the media - in all its forms - news, movies, music, books, artwork, has in its portrayal of people of different races and cultures. And this goes for how it tends to portray males vs females, as well.

On one evening when I was visiting we went to a late night burlesque show called "late night tit bits" (Mom you can stop reading at this point). One of Betsy and Emily's friends was in it and it was mind blowing.... Six women and one man put on a skit about a female dance club and did a series of strip teases (more tease than strip) to popular music. I learned they actually have classes in doing burlesque - who knew? - and it apparently is very empowering and liberating - especially for your inner vamp.... It was funny and entertaining - we got to talk to one of the "stars" after the show and she was thrilled about her ability to be that free and uninhibited. Both Emily and Betsy talked about signing up for a burlesque class some time in the future - as for me - I think it will have to wait for awhile....

Now back in Omaha I have having a few days of rest, Reiki and massage before heading on to Wyoming on Friday am.

An architectural playground

After arriving in Chicago I did what any self respecting tourist would do - I took a bus tour of the city for the day - well actually 3 bus tours - but they sorta ran all in together. The highlights were the many magnificent skyscrapers in the downtown area - all with their unique architecture. I don't think I've been in a major city that sports so many different styles of buildings as Chicago - from the Sears tower, the Prudential Building, the new Trump Tower, Chicago Tribune, Wrigley, Art Institute and the controversial newly renovated Soldier's Field. I saw them all -and some of them several times. They had a satellite bus tour, the "ethnic" tour that included sites in Chinatown, Greektown, little Italy and of course the "Oprah" stop - had to do this.... I took a picture of the outside of Harpo Studios and visited the Oprah store - didn't get any sightings of Oprah, though. The tour guide did say that she sometimes drops in unannounced to the store but it wasn't my day. Also went to Navy Pier and had one of Chicago's finest all-American hot dogs - tomorrow night promises deep dish pizza.

I am staying with Betsy Sobiech as well as visiting Emily Dabney - who lives in Oak Park. I am recuperating from my long day of sightseeing, listening to a live band during happy hour and dinner out at an Italian restaurant, at Betsy's condo in the historic Hyde Park district. She's already pointed out Barach Obama's house but he wasn't home as there were no black SUV's guarding the street.

My impression of Chicago other than its fabulous architecture and beatiful lakeshore area (the infamous Major Daley inspired Millenium Park)is that it's very clean, orderly and easy to navigate. There's alot of space devoted to parks, fountains, and benches. I've heard some interesting political stories about Chicago - I'll have to google them to find out how true they might be!

Omaha is Hilly!

Who knew? Omaha, Nebraska is hilly; I mean really rolling hills, not just wimpy little ones. I would seriously have to map out a route if I were going to bicycle in this city. So much for assumptions - I thought all of the MidWest was flat - especially the southern portion. I arrived on Monday evening and have been having fun exploring neighborhoods with my friend, Anda, who has lived in Omaha for 30 years and Nebraska for 50! We've seen the renovated downtown factory districts with its charming restaurants and boutiques, the Joslin Art Museum and I even saw the "Mutual of Omaha" building today. Crossed the Missouri River again on my approach and seen alot of neighborhood parks and schools. Today we sat in St. Cecelia's Cathedral for 45 minutes to meditate - what a beautiful building! We haven't gone to a famous steak restaurant yet but I'm sure that after my return from Chicago of 5 days, we'll fit that in.

Anda has one cat, Isabella, one peacock and 20 raccoons. Let me explain. A peacock showed up in her yard one day and with her baby. She began feeding it and they both stayed - one day however, the baby wandered off but the mom has stayed and makes her backyard home. The raccoons, well, they come out at dusk because she has started putting food out for them (kibble and bits) and pretty soon after dark she has counted up to 20! Mostly adults but 4 or 5 babies, too. They'll eat bird seed but what they really like is the dog food and table scraps.... It is a strange sight. Of course being nocturnal animals they sleep during the day; last night it was cool enough to open windows but I soon discovered that that was a mistake. Shortly after retiring I began hearing the raccoons, squabbling over the choicest morsels of food, playing and running around! Had to close the window and put on the fan.... And stop imagining Alfred Hitchcock's movie, "The Birds" - I could just picture the raccoons finding a way in to the cupboards for even more gourmet food!

The Four Noble Truths, cont'd

Well, let's see if I were going to select 4 critical values to live by (this doesn' mean that I am able to live by them but ideally speaking) I would pick the following - at least today, tomorrow may be different:

1) "Me First"

I borrowed this term from my friend, Betty Healey, who is currently writing a book named, "Me First - If I should wake before I die" (see Betty and her husband's Jim website: wwwroadsigns.ca.com ) At first glance it sounds selfish and self-indulgent to the extreme. However what it really means to me is the old "to thine own self be true" - knowing that when I do what's best for me it's usually best for everyone else, too. No one else can take care of me, or know me or my thoughts and desires unless I am able to communicate them. In order to express them I first have to know what they are.... When you really know yourself, you can be yourself, a totally unique person who has their individual gifts and talents to give to the world. Also it reminds me of what we are told each time we fly in airplane, you know when they review the safety rules that we all ignore because we've heard them so many times before - in the case of emergency please put on your oxygen mask before strapping one on to anyone else. So again, me first - if we take care of our needs first we are in a much better position to help someone else. Having experienced burnout when I was a child therapist for many years - I know of which I speak! If I was run down, sick, tired or stressed I certainly wasn't very effective with my clients and couldn't really "be there" for them. Me first also means that it's our job to figure out what we need, how to live and experience meaning in our life - rather than waiting upon someone else to define us and instruct us - however, sometimes it's easier to be a follower rather than a leader.

2) Moderation in all things

This is definitely an ideal that I strive for - having an addictive personality - I have a challenge doing anything in moderation - when I quit drinking soda about 3 1/2 months ago I started having to drink iced coffee every day! I've always felt that if something tasted good or felt good it would feel even better to have or do more! NOT..... I remember seeing a clip on TV once about the French woman's diet - it went something like this - they eat croissants for breakfast, rolls and cheese for lunch and always have wine to drink with dinner - and they walk everywhere, and only have 1 of those yummy items for each meal - well maybe not just one glass of wine.... But you get the picture - they don't deny themselves anything and they just have a small amount. Oui it should be so easy.

3) Choose from love not fear

Gerald Jampolsky once wrote that there are really only 2 emotions - love and fear. It's either based upon love or everything else eventually stems from fear. Anger, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed, etc. all originally stem from a fear - ie: fear of loss, status, money, property, relationships, job, etc. So if I choose from love I will be guided to all actions that will hopefully serve mine and other's highest goods. So a mantra could be "what would love have me do?" Or I love the ending salutation that 2 of my friends always include in their emails - "love your way" and "may love have its way with you"

4) Live Big!

Growing up in the puritanical work ethic ethos of the 1950's it's a challenge for me to chuck responsibility for pleasure and it's only been lately that I've been exploring the possibility of combining pleasure with responsibility. As Marianne Williamson reminds us, "we are not so afraid of living small as we are of living big and really shining the brightest light we can". Living big means taking risks, trusting, following your dreams, and imagining the impossible. I'm trying it out on this adventure, who knows where it will lead me, or how BIG it will get!

The Four Noble Truths

Well if you read my entry about my opinion of Buddhism you would know that the title does not refer to the tenets of that religion.... I broke my silence yesterday and engaged in conversation with a Unity student who is from Vancouver, B.C. He spoke about his four truths as he has come to know them over the course of his 58 years:
1) "Men and women are different"

Well John Gray really popularized this notion in his well known book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and it's always a good reminder especially when as a woman I'm holding out hope that a man (or men) will be able to respond from an emotional point of view rather than a logical-rational one. I have noticed though that gay men generally relate very well from emotional frame of reference - they do make great best friends....

2) People and relationships are the most important thing in life

Well I couldn't agree more - maybe if more people held true to this belief there would be less violence, crime, war and poverty. I'm assuming that he meant all people and all relationships are the most important thing - at least that is how I'm interpreting it! From a quantum physics point of view we are all one anyway - just individual expressions of the divine in different cellular combinations. How we behave towards another affects everyone else - even if only on a subtle level. For example - the 100th monkey theory - the story of how when a critical mass of a species evolves their consciousness it can affect the whole without particular effort.

3) Don't try to outsmart yourself

I wish I had more time to talk with Neil MacLeish about this one as I don't really understand this maxim. He used it as an example of when we try to do something differently, thinking that we are really using a divergent approach, and we end up with the same result. Ie: divorcing and remarrying someone who has virtually the same personality traits. I'm not sure what the antidote to this one is - other than to make decisions based upon your heart rather than your head. I know from past experiences that when I try to "think" my way through decisions that they are often not as satisfying and joy filled as when I follow my heart.

and last but not least:
4) Happy wife, happy home

Neil said that this one is actually a Japanese proverb - sounds like something you'd read in a chinese fortune cookie. He claims that living by this philosophy has been the secret to his successful marriage. Even when he doesn't agree with his wife he has learned to do what makes her happy, if he can. I suppose one could also add, happy husband, happy home. I guess the main thing is that we are striving for another's happiness rather than just our own. He used the example of a recent major purchase - a houseboat in Vancouver's harbor. Although they own a "land" home; his wife really wanted a houseboat - and so he joined her in that effort and as he says she's as happy as a clam - and therefore, so is he....
I doubt this philosophy would work in all circumstances (of course there's always codependency to be aware of, too)and I applaud his efforts in coming up with his "four noble truths". This inspires me to distill my life philosophy into four succint statements - I'll have to work on that one for tomorrow's blog.

Trains, Fountains and Wonder Bread

Kansas City, MO, still has alot of trains - I'm not sure what they transport? grain, cattle, corn? but I noticed on my first night at Unity that they pass thru once an hour or so - I thought at first it was a thunderstorm but the thunder lasted way too long... I got to see the tracks and stations when I drove into KC yesterday afternoon as well as many, many fountains. Surprisingly this mid-western city is know for its myriad fountains and European inspired architecture; I drove through both the Plaza and Valencia district and was entranced with the sytles of buildings and the waterworks. After my search and discovery mission for yarn stores I vowed to find the famous barbecue spot in KC (at least that's what all the tour books tell me) - Arthur Bryant's. Boy what a surprise when Miss Daisy (my GPS) landed me in the Ameristar Casino and Hotel complex (and I mean complex)on the northern side of the city. I couldn't see a sign for the restaurant on the outside but after walking around this mega mall I found it and promptly ordered my barbecue sandwich of that day's special, "shredded beef" and of course french fries (why ruin a perfect barbecue experience), although I opted out of the coleslaw and baked beans... Much to my surprise the sandwich was made on wonder bread! I chucled because not a half hour before I had passed a wonder bread and debby madison cakes thrift store and couldn't believe my eyes. I haven't had wonder bread since I was very young - oh maybe 50 years ago and here it is alive and well in KC! I unloaded the shredded beef onto my plate and pushed the wonder bread aside - by the time the barbecue beef had met it it had pretty much already melted into its traditional texture anyway.

Last night I went to my very first Unity Church service as well as one today at Unity Village. I was curious to observe/participate in their worship programs - given as how I have been staying in world headquarters for the past week. Each church, although different in size, (the former had about 50 people at their Saturday pm service, the latter probably close to 300) had live musicians and vocal soloists perform uplifting and enthusiastic music. The services each included prayer and meditaton time, singing, a "lesson" (aka sermon), announcements and greetings. I resonanted with most of the message although the ideology is too Christcentric for me. While I recognize Christ as an ascended Master I also recognize many other souls, past and present, which I try to emulate and learn from.
I also rebel at the thought of reciting words together as a group, no matter how benevolent the words are - it reminds me too much of rote memorization and something a little bit akin to brainwashing. I don't think I'm meant to be a member of any church; I'm too independent minded and don't always play well in groups. I have to admit; however, that the energy here is great, the people happy, positive and welcoming - they must be doing alot right....

AS promised I did finish reading Sylvia Boorstein's book (well, barely, I did take the liberty of skipping over the philosophical pages and getting to the stories - which I found much more enjoyable). There is one phrase in the book that I really took issue with - she explains that in the Buddhist philosophy we are trained to realize that we are but actors in this play called life and can choose our responses to what happens to us but we are not the directors of the show. Maybe it's my controlling nature coming out again but I choose to be the director of my life, the captain of my soul and believe that I am, on some level, 100% responsible for what happens to me aka what I have attracted into my life. Even when I don't know how or why something happened I do feel that at some level, perhaps or usually unconscious, I have attracted that circumstance, event, or relationship into my life based upon my current or past vibrations. So if I work on changing my vibrations, by changing my thoughts and feelings I can attract different events into my life. And of course this is an ongoing process.

Tomorrow I'm off to Omaha, Nebraska to visit a friend for a few days before flying to Chicago for more interviews. Let's see what I attract for my experiences in Omaha...

Book for the Day

While I raced thru 2 books the days before yesterday I stalled while reading Sylvia Boorsteins' book, "Happiness is an Inside Job". She is a reknown buddhist and prolific author - one of her more famous is "Don't Just Do Something - Sit There".
I think I'm a failed Buddhist - it would sound really hip and cool to be able to say, "I'm Buddhist" but the truth of the matter is that - despite wanting to fit in with my friends who attend sangha (a gathering of like-minded Buddhists and those aspiring to be) - I don't resonant with what appears to be its passive orientation towards life and its emphasis on disciplined meditation. I guess I'm too much of a control freak - I want to be proactive and manifest my dreams rather than always "be content with what is". Don't get me wrong, I do try to live by the axim, being content with what is, however, I want to know that I have tried everything I could possibly do before resigning to that fall back position. This includes positive affirmations, vision boards, EFT, Zpoint process, Reiki, etc. - all "doing" behaviors rather than working on discipling the meanderings of my mind.

I do like Boorstein's emphasis on achieving "equanimity" in all things and avoiding contentious actions and thoughts. However, the means by which I try to achieve that state of balance is very unBuddha like. I also find the writing to be very estoric (funny - since I majored in Philosophy in college - at least for the first semester!)and difficult to operationalize. For someone who writes simpler - try reading some of Pema Chodron's books, especially, "When Things Fall Apart". Coincidentally I met Pema's assistant (while she stays for the winter in Colorado away from the abbey in Nova Scotia)in TN, a lovely young woman who has worked with/for her for the last several years.

I hate to not finish books, almost as much as, not finishing watching movies (I can count on one hand the number of times I've walked out of a movie - not matter how horrid/distasteful it was to me....) so I will endeavor to finish it later; however, right now downtown Kansas City is calling me: for its famous barbecue, a yarn store, museums, and an evening Unity service in the Plaza...

Childhood Dreams cont'd

For the last day I've been mulling over what my childhood dreams were.... It's much easier for me to identify dreams I have today than the ones I had long ago. One, I do remember clearly, and that was to be a writer and an English teacher. I devoured literature classes in high school whether the authors were Russian, French, English or American. I got lost in the stories of different cultures, styles and periods. I identified with the heroines whether they were Anna Kareninna, Madame Bovary, Jane Eyre, or Anne of Green Gables. I loved the feeling of being transported to a different reality - a skill that came in handy in a family with 5 brothers and sisters, 3 adults and one station wagon for trips to church and vacations. My mother always used to say that I could get "lost" in a book, often not hearing my name being called or instructions being given. I have always been an avid reader; however, the writing until recently has been confined to private journals and work related projects. So the fact that I am traveling the country to interview people and write a book brings me back to an earlier aspiration.


I've also secretly wanted to be an actress. Meryl Streep is one of my favorite. I did act in community theatre for a year about 15 years ago but this was just a taste and part of me longs to do more. I will have to look into this when I settle down again - and singing, too - I did belong to a women's acappella singing group for 4 years in Concord, NH, "Songweavers" and throroughly enjoyed it.

I also wanted to be a dancer - not sure which kind - but this goal was stifled by my propensity to be overweight most of my life and to be frank, somewhat clumsy. I still long to taller, slimmer and more coordinated - the latter two could still be achieved but the former may have to wait until another lifetime.

I enviously watched several of my brothers who played football in high school - although not shining stars - they were good enough to make varsity. I dutily tried out for a variety of sports - lacrosse, field hockey, cheerleading, swim team and didn't make a one. However over the last few years I have remedied this dream by become a triathlete and participated in over 6 triathlons over the past 2 summers. One disappointment this summer is that I have not taken the time to train - but my bike still awaits (now safely stored at my sister's), and I still have some newly bought triathlete outfits including one that matches my daughter's so that we can participate in one together!

And of course there was the dream to become a nun in sixth grade - however, this one was quickly scratched off the list after I visited the convent of the Holy Family (where I was attending parochial school)and saw how spartan their living conditions were and how dour everyone's expression was. This did not seem fun to me - or at least they did not appear to be having fun with it.... A part of me stills harbors the dream of living a cloistered life, maybe for 6 months or so, the simplicity of meditation and solitude feels refreshing and peaceful. Although you would not catch me wearing a habit or any kind of mandatory dress code - far too independent and rebellious for that...

So actually the more I muse about childhood dreams the more some do come back to memory. I like a quote I read recently about "living life to the fullest - using up all your talents and gifts so there is nothing left at the time of your death" - I am hoping I have a whole lot more of life left - I still have much to do!

One of my current dreams is to travel through every country of the world, meeting inspirational people involved in positive and uplifting projects for the betterment of humankind. I also want to especially spend time in sacred sites of the world, feeling the energy of the earth and integrating the healing for myself as well as to share it with others. Of course I want to be paid very well to do this - and stay in wonderful accomodations to bout. It seems especially important now with the depressing conditions of the economy, the reality of current and impending wars, that positive voices/stories be heard and celebrated.

Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

Last night I finished my second book, "The Last Lecture" by Dr. Randy Pausch. He gave "The Last Lecture" at Carnegie Mellon University on 9/18/07 - which was immediately picked up by utube and has been seen by millions of viewers world wide. He died from pancreatic cancer on July 25, 2008 at the age of 47. His last lecture was entitled "How to Really Achieve Your Childhood Dreams" - throughout the book and the video he chronicles his childhood dreams - both the ones he achieved and the ones he didn't. Ironically since his speech in 9/07 he has been invited to fulfill those few dreams that hadn't yet been fulfilled: playing with the NFL (he joined the Pittsburgh Steelers in a day of regular practice in on 10/6/07), being on the crew of Starship Enterprise(he was invited by film director of the newest Star Trek film - to be released in '09 to have a small role on the film); he met Sting backstage after a concert; his other dreams became realized under his own power in earlier years of his life. Some of them include: being in zero gravity, authoring an article in the World Book encyclopedia, winning stuffed animals and being a Disney Imagineer - you'll have to read his book and/or watch the utube video to find out how he achieved them...

Some of my favorite quotes from the book are, "brick walls are only there to show you how badly you want things" - the more you want it - the more willing you are to do whatever it takes to climb over, crawl under, smash through or transcend the walls to reach your desire. Another is, "experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted" - this is certainly a truism.

Randy's goal in the last lecture, aside from leaving a legacy for his children, ages 2, 5, and 7 and wife, Jai, was to provide an inspiration for others to fulfill their childhood dreams as he had had the luck to do. He states, "And I had lived out my dreams, in great measure, because of things I was taught by all sorts of extraordinary people along the way". He chronicles the effect his parents had on him (he says he won the parent lottery), his football mentor - Coach Graham (who taught the fundamentals, was anti-coddling, and believed that sports were a metaphor for how to live life), Brown University Professor, Andy van Dam, who he credits as being his "Dutch" uncle - someone who is willing to give you honest feedback -and helped him with his tough love advice about some of his character flaws.

During his entire lecture Randy cracked jokes, laughed and poked fun at himself and life in general - a refreshing and bold attitude for someone who knew they were dying soon. He did succumb physically a few days ago - as he and his family knew he would - and oh what a contribution he made during his last year. Although successful in his career as a professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon he achieved far more than he or his family ever dreamed by being willing to share his wisdom, joy and passion with others in a public forum.

And so I am inspired to make a list of my childhood dreams and reflect on what I have achieved or not....I don't have a death sentence hanging over me -and yet we all know that our days in our physical bodies are limited - so no better time to begin than today. I am reminded that Grandma Moses didn't start to paint until her older years. So what dreams do you have and are you willing to get through brick walls to achieve them?