Book for the Day

While I raced thru 2 books the days before yesterday I stalled while reading Sylvia Boorsteins' book, "Happiness is an Inside Job". She is a reknown buddhist and prolific author - one of her more famous is "Don't Just Do Something - Sit There".
I think I'm a failed Buddhist - it would sound really hip and cool to be able to say, "I'm Buddhist" but the truth of the matter is that - despite wanting to fit in with my friends who attend sangha (a gathering of like-minded Buddhists and those aspiring to be) - I don't resonant with what appears to be its passive orientation towards life and its emphasis on disciplined meditation. I guess I'm too much of a control freak - I want to be proactive and manifest my dreams rather than always "be content with what is". Don't get me wrong, I do try to live by the axim, being content with what is, however, I want to know that I have tried everything I could possibly do before resigning to that fall back position. This includes positive affirmations, vision boards, EFT, Zpoint process, Reiki, etc. - all "doing" behaviors rather than working on discipling the meanderings of my mind.

I do like Boorstein's emphasis on achieving "equanimity" in all things and avoiding contentious actions and thoughts. However, the means by which I try to achieve that state of balance is very unBuddha like. I also find the writing to be very estoric (funny - since I majored in Philosophy in college - at least for the first semester!)and difficult to operationalize. For someone who writes simpler - try reading some of Pema Chodron's books, especially, "When Things Fall Apart". Coincidentally I met Pema's assistant (while she stays for the winter in Colorado away from the abbey in Nova Scotia)in TN, a lovely young woman who has worked with/for her for the last several years.

I hate to not finish books, almost as much as, not finishing watching movies (I can count on one hand the number of times I've walked out of a movie - not matter how horrid/distasteful it was to me....) so I will endeavor to finish it later; however, right now downtown Kansas City is calling me: for its famous barbecue, a yarn store, museums, and an evening Unity service in the Plaza...

Childhood Dreams cont'd

For the last day I've been mulling over what my childhood dreams were.... It's much easier for me to identify dreams I have today than the ones I had long ago. One, I do remember clearly, and that was to be a writer and an English teacher. I devoured literature classes in high school whether the authors were Russian, French, English or American. I got lost in the stories of different cultures, styles and periods. I identified with the heroines whether they were Anna Kareninna, Madame Bovary, Jane Eyre, or Anne of Green Gables. I loved the feeling of being transported to a different reality - a skill that came in handy in a family with 5 brothers and sisters, 3 adults and one station wagon for trips to church and vacations. My mother always used to say that I could get "lost" in a book, often not hearing my name being called or instructions being given. I have always been an avid reader; however, the writing until recently has been confined to private journals and work related projects. So the fact that I am traveling the country to interview people and write a book brings me back to an earlier aspiration.


I've also secretly wanted to be an actress. Meryl Streep is one of my favorite. I did act in community theatre for a year about 15 years ago but this was just a taste and part of me longs to do more. I will have to look into this when I settle down again - and singing, too - I did belong to a women's acappella singing group for 4 years in Concord, NH, "Songweavers" and throroughly enjoyed it.

I also wanted to be a dancer - not sure which kind - but this goal was stifled by my propensity to be overweight most of my life and to be frank, somewhat clumsy. I still long to taller, slimmer and more coordinated - the latter two could still be achieved but the former may have to wait until another lifetime.

I enviously watched several of my brothers who played football in high school - although not shining stars - they were good enough to make varsity. I dutily tried out for a variety of sports - lacrosse, field hockey, cheerleading, swim team and didn't make a one. However over the last few years I have remedied this dream by become a triathlete and participated in over 6 triathlons over the past 2 summers. One disappointment this summer is that I have not taken the time to train - but my bike still awaits (now safely stored at my sister's), and I still have some newly bought triathlete outfits including one that matches my daughter's so that we can participate in one together!

And of course there was the dream to become a nun in sixth grade - however, this one was quickly scratched off the list after I visited the convent of the Holy Family (where I was attending parochial school)and saw how spartan their living conditions were and how dour everyone's expression was. This did not seem fun to me - or at least they did not appear to be having fun with it.... A part of me stills harbors the dream of living a cloistered life, maybe for 6 months or so, the simplicity of meditation and solitude feels refreshing and peaceful. Although you would not catch me wearing a habit or any kind of mandatory dress code - far too independent and rebellious for that...

So actually the more I muse about childhood dreams the more some do come back to memory. I like a quote I read recently about "living life to the fullest - using up all your talents and gifts so there is nothing left at the time of your death" - I am hoping I have a whole lot more of life left - I still have much to do!

One of my current dreams is to travel through every country of the world, meeting inspirational people involved in positive and uplifting projects for the betterment of humankind. I also want to especially spend time in sacred sites of the world, feeling the energy of the earth and integrating the healing for myself as well as to share it with others. Of course I want to be paid very well to do this - and stay in wonderful accomodations to bout. It seems especially important now with the depressing conditions of the economy, the reality of current and impending wars, that positive voices/stories be heard and celebrated.

Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

Last night I finished my second book, "The Last Lecture" by Dr. Randy Pausch. He gave "The Last Lecture" at Carnegie Mellon University on 9/18/07 - which was immediately picked up by utube and has been seen by millions of viewers world wide. He died from pancreatic cancer on July 25, 2008 at the age of 47. His last lecture was entitled "How to Really Achieve Your Childhood Dreams" - throughout the book and the video he chronicles his childhood dreams - both the ones he achieved and the ones he didn't. Ironically since his speech in 9/07 he has been invited to fulfill those few dreams that hadn't yet been fulfilled: playing with the NFL (he joined the Pittsburgh Steelers in a day of regular practice in on 10/6/07), being on the crew of Starship Enterprise(he was invited by film director of the newest Star Trek film - to be released in '09 to have a small role on the film); he met Sting backstage after a concert; his other dreams became realized under his own power in earlier years of his life. Some of them include: being in zero gravity, authoring an article in the World Book encyclopedia, winning stuffed animals and being a Disney Imagineer - you'll have to read his book and/or watch the utube video to find out how he achieved them...

Some of my favorite quotes from the book are, "brick walls are only there to show you how badly you want things" - the more you want it - the more willing you are to do whatever it takes to climb over, crawl under, smash through or transcend the walls to reach your desire. Another is, "experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted" - this is certainly a truism.

Randy's goal in the last lecture, aside from leaving a legacy for his children, ages 2, 5, and 7 and wife, Jai, was to provide an inspiration for others to fulfill their childhood dreams as he had had the luck to do. He states, "And I had lived out my dreams, in great measure, because of things I was taught by all sorts of extraordinary people along the way". He chronicles the effect his parents had on him (he says he won the parent lottery), his football mentor - Coach Graham (who taught the fundamentals, was anti-coddling, and believed that sports were a metaphor for how to live life), Brown University Professor, Andy van Dam, who he credits as being his "Dutch" uncle - someone who is willing to give you honest feedback -and helped him with his tough love advice about some of his character flaws.

During his entire lecture Randy cracked jokes, laughed and poked fun at himself and life in general - a refreshing and bold attitude for someone who knew they were dying soon. He did succumb physically a few days ago - as he and his family knew he would - and oh what a contribution he made during his last year. Although successful in his career as a professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon he achieved far more than he or his family ever dreamed by being willing to share his wisdom, joy and passion with others in a public forum.

And so I am inspired to make a list of my childhood dreams and reflect on what I have achieved or not....I don't have a death sentence hanging over me -and yet we all know that our days in our physical bodies are limited - so no better time to begin than today. I am reminded that Grandma Moses didn't start to paint until her older years. So what dreams do you have and are you willing to get through brick walls to achieve them?

Left to Tell

Yesterday I borrowed the book, "Left to Tell" by Immaculee Ilibagiza about discovering God amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. I had seen the movie, Hotel Rwanda, sometime ago and was intrigued to read more about Immaculee's experiences of surviving the genocide by being hidden in a tiny bathroom with 7 other people for 3 months while her fellow Tutsis (over 1 million)were being brutally massacred - including her parents, 2 brothers and other friends. She turns to prayer (she was raised a devout Catholic)during her ordeal and discovers that forgiving the murderers is her way to salvation and healing. After her rescue by French troops she is given an opportunity to meet the man who was personally responsible for the murder of her family members and she is humbly able to forgive him - even though he and other neighbors had been hunting her down personally and calling her name while she was hiding in sheer terror in the bathroom. She describes how evil seized the hearts and bodies of her former friends and neighbors and led them to commit these atrocities. Her strength, faith and compassion are amazing - she feels she was "left to tell" so that she could model for others how to heal through love and forgiveness. The foreword of the book is written by Wayne Dyer who after one meeting with Immaculee became determined to assist her is getting her inspiring story published. There is also a DVD available, "The Dairy of Immaculee" which I shall have to investigate and see if it's available for borrowing. After all Unity Village does have the largest selection of inspirational and metaphysical materials in the world....

I went on a tour of Unity Village yesterday and watched a video documenting some of the early history of Unity Church founders Charles and Myrtle Fillimore. I am looking forward to the Unity service on Sunday and the opportuniy to hear some lectures in the chapel. Everyone here seems very friendly and happy - the energy is great! Even though I'm talking to anyone; I'm still listening...

I'm not in Kansas anymore

Late yesterday afternoon I arrived in Unity Village, outside of Lee's Summit, Missouri - about 15 miles southeast of Kansas City. I have my own little cottage and access to the villages' inground pool, library, nature trails, 2 lakes, chapels, bookstore, laundromat, and labyrinth. Every day there is a Silent Unity prayer service at 11 am and of course a Sunday service at 10:30. For the next 5 days I plan to remain silent as much possible, meditating, knitting, reading and walking the trails. This is a much needed respite from visiting and interviewing people. Time for integration and rest. While I have loved being with everyone my introverted self is feeling a wee bit overwhelmed and needs time to regroup/recharge.
I may even spend most of day in bed....

I have not taken much of an opportunity to take pictures while on my travels and I must certainly motivate myself to do that now as the village is quite striking in its mediterrain architecture, rose gardens, chapels, labyrinth and groves. I haven't yet gone to visit the two lakes because blessedly last night and today have been raining - much needed in this area (I'm hoping that Kansas and Texas got the rain, too!) So here I sit in the bookstore cafe (they serve Starbucks coffee!)enjoying a music CD by Karen Drucker and the visuals of all the books and gifts in front of me -
one of my favorite places in the world.

The Heartland of America

A few words about my experience in Kansas: it's the first state I have traveled in that allows you to pump your own gas (without the use of a credit card) and pay later inside. This seems to typify the friendly, trusting, (no bars on windows or doors of retail stores here)and welcoming attitude I observed throughout the past few days. Folks are loyal supporters of all things local - including community theater productions, mom and pop owned restaurants/stores, and the local state university football team. A refreshing attitude of a much earlier time, Kansas has preserved some of the best values of small town America. In fact there were times I felt like I was in Thornton Wilder's play, "Our Town" during my visit. Family centered and community oriented Pittsburg will hold a positive memory for me for quite awhile.

As if By Magic

On my last day in Pittsburg, KS, I interviewed Andy and Pat Mason of “As If By Magic” at their office suite which also includes a massage therapist, reflexologist and reiki practitioner. Andy chose the name for his business based upon his childhood delight in a television program called, Mr. Benn(sp?), (a TV program in the UK) who frequently disappeared from view to put on a different costume and “as if by magic” became a new character. In his experience using EFT (www.emofree.com; www.as-if-by-magic.com) with clients has shifted chronic negative behavior patterns (addictions, phobias, depression, low self esteem, etc) through the use of this tapping technique in a magical way – resulting in deep and long lasting changes. Also an experienced NLP practitioner and strategic attraction coach Andy has been providing services to clients individually and in groups for the past 6 years. He has recently developed a new program “Unzipping your Fat Suit” designed to uncover, release and transform the emotional issues blocking one’s ability to shed weight and reclaim a healthy body. This is based upon his personal growth and training – he has recently released over 103#’s (since 11/1/07) and has worked steadily on the emotional issues that have resulted in the excess weight and prevented him from being at his perfect weight in the past. He is a firm believer in making lifestyle changes – not dieting (diets don’t work) and has incorporated daily exercise with the use of Isagenix products to assist in his total transformation. Andy is truly a shining lighthouse of inspiration – especially in the area of emotional recovery and spiritual growth!

Pat, his wife, is an elementary language arts teacher in Parsons, KS, and a passionate feng shui consultant. Raised in a fairly traditional, conservative and religious background the philosophy of feng shui has led Pat to reclaim her natural abilities as an energy worker and share these talents with others. Interestingly enough some of her relatives have had known abilities as “water witches” (dowsing) which is a very acceptable method for farmers to locate the best locations for drilling wells on their land.

Yesterday morning I had a reflexology session with one of their partners, Becky Smith, who is also a gifted healer. This treatment confirmed my commitment to receive bodywork sessions at least every 2 weeks to help my body, mind, and spirit integrate the traveling and interviewing process. Speaking of which I am on way today to Unity Village, world headquarters of Unity Church, for 5 days of personal retreat. Unity is 15 miles south of Kansas City so I may also take the opportunity to checkout this Midwestern city.

Life on the Farm

Every Sunday, (except when they are traveling) Andy and Pat visit her parents on the farm in Parsons, KS(population 12,000) for dinner and a afternoon of playing cards and conversation. Tom and Fern have worked this farm of 80 acres for over 65 years – at one time growing alfalfa hay – and other crops I can’t remember. Once, too they had milking cows, pigs, chickens and a large vegetable garden. Now the garden is still there, tending lovingly by Tom but the fields have been put to pasture and there are still cows but only 35 of them and they are beef cows not dairy ones. Pat gave me a tour of the barns, wells, ponds (man made for drinking water for the cows), the root cellar, electrical fence and old milking stalls. Her brother, Roy, also lives on a farm and his is 160 acres. Over the years both Roy and Tom have had “off the land” odd jobs – sometimes full time; sometimes part time – depending upon the growing season and the prices received at market. Fern is a master quilter; at 82 she has recently quit making bed size quilts and has resigned herself to baby quilts and wall quilts. She is also a wonderful cook, making fresh yeast rolls and full course dinners for any of the family members who drop by on Sunday afternoons. This past Sunday it was a full pot roast dinner with cloverleaf rolls, jello salad, homemade pickles, fried okra, green beans and bacon and of course, several desserts. Tom has been having some challenges with mobility for the past few years, and now relies on a cane to steady himself and make his way to the garden. But traditions die hard and I imagine Tom and Fern will be still hosting Sunday dinners and card games for longer than they are able…..