Pen Envy

I don't know what Freud might have to say about this title but I must confess that I was suffering from it this weekend, sitting around listening to other writer's writing and to the instructor, Sean Murphy, who has published four books and is a professor at UNM, Taos. It was easy to convince myself that my writing is weak, awful, sucks, etc. when compared to others. The ego flares up again... and resulted in writer's block - how not if everytime I think about writing I compare myself to others. So to get myself out of this slump I figured I could at least write my blog - nothing that I'll ever read in class and therefore presumably immune to feelings of insecurity.

To top it off yesterday I visited a new friend in El Rito who is the Head of the English Dept at UNM, Taos, and frequently does public readings of her short stories. She's unpublished at the moment, but her work is in the hands of an agent in NYC and she's waiting to hear. But I remind myself - that's why I moved to Taos in the first place - because there are alot of writers and writing groups. Nothing like being a small fish in a big pond.

I'm even procrastinating by recently diving into an over 1,000 page book by Wally Lamb, "I Know This Much is True". Great way to beat myself over the head because I can't even seem to write a page. Even during the "free writes" during class, with prompts, I was having a hard time getting started. I've heard this happens. Except it hasn't happened to me yet. I'm hoping that if I just start writing it will be like getting jump started and the engine/battery will kick in and start working on it's own. I hope I don't need a new battery.

My apartment is almost complete with decoration and furniture - thanks to thrift stores in Taos. I'm really tickled about an end table I found that has four legs made from tree trunks. It looks funky and in Taos funky is in. I also now have the poster from the Taos summer writer's conference, framed, hanging over my reading chair. And that should inspire me. And tomorrow is writer's group in the morning so I have to get something done on paper or else why pay the price of admission. Maybe I will read this in class after all.