Girl, Interrupted

Well it has been awhile since I've blogged.... Two weeks ago I developed symptoms of what I thought was the standard stomach flu. It kept on even after five days but I didn't get concerned until I started feeling some intense pain in my abdomen area - which after a day of that and no sleep, prompted a visit to the local ER which resulted in a five day admission to Holy Cross Hospital in Taos with a diagnosis of pancreatitis. No particular medicines were needed other than IV fluids to address dehydration. Apparently I am in the 30% of people for whom there is no known cause for the inflammation - typically it's provoked by alcoholism/drug addiction or gallstones in the bile duct around the pancreas. Neither of these two were true for me; the latter was ruled out by an MRI and CAT scan.... What can I say about my stay in the hospital other than it was way too much daytime TV and bland liquids, although I did develop an affinity for the Knox brand instant chicken broth and will have to make sure I have it on hand in emergencies. The morphine was effective in managing the pain for the first two days and since then I've been pain free. Eating is progressing very slowly - I have lost almost 20#'s - and my appetite is minimal.

Needless to say I've been giving myself lots of Reiki as well as receiving energy from scores of others. Affirmations for restored health and wholeness also have become my mantra as well as an openness to receive any "learnings" from the recent episode....

Christmas was way too quiet, me and my daughter's cat, Gunther, and I AM grateful that I was at least home to enjoy the quiet rather than the sterile setting of the hospital. I was well enough to eat a baked potato for Xmas dinner - one of my favorite treats at any time - must be the Irish in me! Last night I felt well enough to work a shift the gym, Northside, and it was a welcome diversion from my own four walls. Being sick sure makes you appreciate your health; something that I must confess that I usually take for granted as I typically don't get sick very often.

So this is the first writing I've done in a few weeks but writing groups start up again the first week of January so I'll be back to it then....

Let It Snow

The local news station was abuzz last night with predictions of snow for New Mexico, especially the northeastern part and the mountains. I chuckled as I listened to their description of 500 plow trucks, possible school closings and an "inch" of snow in Albuquerque! I woke up this morning expecting to see the results of a snow storm only to find about 2 inches on the ground; someone had told me the previous evening that this might be the case, although, they assured me that the mtns would probably get 6 - 12 inches. OMG - they don't know what winter is! I suppose I should reserve this smug statement until at least the end of March '09 - not having lived thru a Taos winter yet. Reliable sources have informed me that it doesn't snow that much in the valley and that if the sun is shining (which it is 300 days/yr) it melts by early afternoon - making the evening commute safe and dry. I enjoyed the brief feeling of being "snowed in" this morning because my skylights and slanted windows were fully covered by snow until the sun caused it to streak and allow patches of light to shine through. One of the things I like about New England winters is that feeling of be buried (as long as it doesn't last too long, or we go without power for no more than 24 hours) - the stillness of a world dumped with a foot or more of snow - no one moving too fast or venturing too far. A perfect excuse for a day off from normal routines, school, work, obligations with the expectations of a day spent in pajamas or sweat shirts, lounging by the fire/woodstove with a good book, a cup of tea and the only duty being the timing of when to shovel your walk - during the storm or after you've gotten it all? My guess is that the power doesn't often shut down here - it hasn't yet in 4 months but it's early yet. Even though I live in the high elevations (5000 feet above sea level)there isn't much wind here, lightening or other forms of weather disturbances.
So no need to listen to the radio/TV for closings/cancellations and although car thermometer says it's 23 degrees out it feels like the low 40's.
I guess it's off to work I go then. Which in my case, since this is a Tuesday, is to the "Wired" Cafe on Felicidad St. behind Albertson's for a cafe au lait and a day of writing.

Holidaze

It's taken me over a week to recover from Thanksgiving. My two daughters, Erin and Jenn came to visit; one for a week and the other for three days. During that time my place was taken over including the computer, TV, kitchen area, bathroom and living space. I even shared my bed with Erin as there is only a pull out futon in the living area. I used to live in a much larger 3 bedroom house with two full bathrooms when they were growing up. Thank God for that. I didn't think I was so territorial until the square footage shrunk and we were all trying to fit into a small one bedroom house. I silently cringed each time I noticed debris piling up on the floor, liquids spilling over on the stove and dishes stacking up uncleaned in the sink. I guess I am a creature of habit, after all, and guess I get more so as time goes on; especially since I have been living solo for the past three years. Don't get me wrong; I was thrilled to see them, our feast except for the overdone roast chicken was delicious and the highlight of our visit was the stop at Ojo Caliente for an afternoon of soaking in awesome outdoor mineral pools followed by dinner in the Artesian Restaurant. And I was secretly not unhappy to see them go - hence my recovery this week of doing laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and rewashing certain pots and pans. And of course now that's it's been a week I miss them again. I also overindulgenced, a fine American tradition, and avoided the face off at the gym and the scale. So I have allowed myself a week of being out of sorts, sitting with an ambivalence about sharing my space and staying out of routines that I find nurturing and comforting.
I find it difficult to maintain my patterns: ie: meditation, working out at the gym, writing time, bedtime, etc. when I'm in relationship with others. I too often bend my routine to their preferences - only to discover that unsuspecting resentment creeps in after a time - even though they didn't ask me to change for them.... I know this is my issue and one that I notice when I am in the same living space with others.
Christmas will be easier; I'm visiting Jenn in Durango, CO; she will be working during the day, teaching skiing to those on vacation and we'll spend a few evenings together. I'm hoping that she can manuever us a discounted room at the ski resort where she works so that I can happily pass my time in the indoor pool and hot tub balanced with hot drinks sitting by the fireplace reading or knitting. My goal is to balance our selections of evening activities - allowing her a choice for one night and me the other. I'll let you know how it works out....